From Golf Caddy To Billionaire in 5 Simple Steps: The Jared Kushner Masterclass

They Went to Jared's

By Matt Stone

The math is so simple a high school civics student could explain it in thirty seconds. But nobody's teaching it in civics class because it works too well, and if everyone knew how easy it was, the whole system would collapse overnight.

Jared Kushner figured it out. And now he's running it twice.

It's not corruption. Corruption is messy. Corruption involves envelopes and promises and someone eventually flipping on you. This is something cleaner. This is a system. This is a template. This is what happens when you combine unlimited access with zero accountability and a father-in-law who owns a nuclear football.

Here's how you do it:

Step 1: Marry Into Power (And Make Sure Nobody Expects You To Earn It)

The story of how Jared Kushner became Trump's son-in-law starts on a golf course. Or at least that's how the legend goes. A young real estate guy. The old real estate kingpin. Golf. Drinks. A friendship that would eventually become family when Kushner married Trump's daughter Ivanka in 2009.

Kushner's father Charles was a New Jersey real estate king. But in 2005, Charles went to prison for tax evasion and witness tampering—he'd hired a prostitute to seduce his brother-in-law and sent the tape to his sister. Jared took over the family business at 25.

Jared's origin story is quite lackluster. His path to the top didn't start with merit. It started with money. In 1998, while Jared was a "less than stellar student" at his New Jersey yeshiva, his father pledged $2.5 million to Harvard. The donation was structured so the payments began only after Jared matriculated. He was rejected twice. After the donation, he got in. He graduated with "honors."

Born on third base, convinced he hit a triple. He wasn't a nobody. He was already in the game.

But he wasn't in Trump's world. Not yet.

The marriage to Ivanka changed that. Suddenly Kushner wasn't just another New York real estate guy or a hanger-on golf buddy. He was Trump's son-in-law. And when Trump ran for president in 2016, Kushner was already there. No job interview. No vetting process. Just family--the ultimate security clearance.

When Trump took office in January 2017, he handed his son-in-law something most people spend careers trying to acquire: direct access to the most powerful people on the planet. Kushner, who had zero government experience, zero foreign policy background, and a security clearance that intelligence officials opposed, immediately became Trump's Middle East adviser and the architect of the Abraham Accords.

By September 2020, he'd brokered the Abraham Accords between Israel, Bahrain, and the United Arab Emirates. Morocco and Sudan followed. Genuine diplomatic achievements. But here's what mattered: Kushner now had direct relationships with the crown princes and financial ministers of the Gulf. He had proven himself useful to them. And he had proven useful to Trump.

What nobody was supposed to say out loud was what the Gulf states were thinking: Let's buy this guy when he's available.

Step 2: Take A Job You're Completely Unqualified For

Kushner had no foreign policy experience. No negotiating background. No regional expertise. Intelligence analysts reported that foreign governments had "privately discussed ways they can manipulate Jared Kushner" by exploiting his financial vulnerabilities and lack of knowledge. One particular crown prince reportedly said he had Kushner "in his pocket."

According to Mother Jones' investigation, US intelligence grew so alarmed by Kushner's private communications with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman that his application for top-secret clearance was initially rejected over fears of foreign influence. Trump overruled his own intelligence officials and granted him access anyway. Kushner was tasked with negotiating Middle East peace, Ukraine ceasefire talks, and eventually Iran's nuclear program.

The play was already obvious to everyone watching. You don't give a guy with zero experience direct access to geopolitical hotspots unless someone's planning to use that access later.